i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
