she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
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I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
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I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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