so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
