you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
40s are totally the cure
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh god it's open bar.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
