Jerry, you need to find god
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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