I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
