i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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