I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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