'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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