This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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