I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
