dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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