why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
