The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
