but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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