she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
