It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
