Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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