my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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