Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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