What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
