When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
