its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
