another moral hangover. fuck.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
