I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
