4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
