I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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