note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
