Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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