Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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