have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
