holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
