can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
