Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
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