i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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