I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
