Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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