I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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