I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
