my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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