If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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