I think I died a long time ago.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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