she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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