I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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