I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
