So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
