I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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