I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
