I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
