I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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