I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
