My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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