i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
