wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
