What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Randomize
