Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
