Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
