Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
