Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
