Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So apparently I’m into choking now
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
