I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize