it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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