I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
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There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
FUCK WHALES
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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